少兒英語幽默小故事:三個牧師
1.【三個牧師】 Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft（閣樓） and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away. Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry（鐘樓） and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated（熏制） , and they still won’t go away. The third said, I baptized（洗禮） all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since! 三個南部的牧師在一家小餐館里吃午飯,。其中的一個說道:“你們知道嗎,，自從夏天來臨,，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧,、貓----似乎什么都不能把它們趕走,。” 另外一位說:“是啊,，我也是,。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經(jīng)請人把整個地方用煙熏消毒一遍,，它們還是趕不走,。” 第三個牧師說:“我為我那里的所有蝙蝠洗禮,，讓它們成為教會的一員......從此一只也沒有再回來過,。”
2.【Snorer 瞌睡者】 The preacher was vexed（生氣的） because a certain member of his congregation（集會,，圣會） always fell asleep during the sermon. As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."Awaking with a start（嚇一跳） , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit（講道壇） , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣,，因?yàn)榭傆幸粋€人在他說教時打瞌睡。 一個星期天,，正當(dāng)坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時,，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時睡覺,。于是他低聲對信徒們說:“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧,?！彼械娜硕颊玖似饋怼?dāng)然，除了那個打瞌 睡的人,。在低聲說過請坐后,，牧師高聲喊道:“想去下地獄的人請站起來！” 打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了,，他站了起來,。看到牧師高站在教壇上,，正生氣的看著他,。這個人說道:“噢，先生,，我不知道我們在選什么,，但看上去只有你和我是候選人?！?br/> 3.【愚蠢的問題】 tupid Question Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so. “Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?” 丹在一個大城市的某個俱樂部當(dāng)守門人,。每天都有數(shù)千人經(jīng)過他的門口，而且許多人都會停下來問他:“請問現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)？” 幾個月后,，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問題了,，我要去買一只大鐘，把它掛在這兒的墻上,?！庇谑撬I了一只鐘，把它掛在了墻上,。 “現(xiàn)在人們總不會再停下來問我時間了,。”他高興地想,。 可是打那以后,，每天仍有許多人停下來，看看鐘,，然后問丹:“這鐘準(zhǔn)嗎,？”
4.【他的耳朵在我衣兜里】 Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?""A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。***媽問,，“發(fā)生了什么事,？” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說,。 “再見到他你能認(rèn)出來嗎,？”媽媽問。 “他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他,，”伊凡說,。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢,?！?br/> 5.【把腳放進(jìn)去】 Put your feet in The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
一個女學(xué)生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖,，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里,，被老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了?！艾旣?！”老師嚴(yán)厲地叫她?！笆裁词?，老師？”這女學(xué)生問,?！鞍芽谙闾菑淖炖锬贸鰜恚涯_放進(jìn)去?！?br/> 6.【九條小金魚】 I have nine little goldfish .Eight goldfish are all orange and one is black .I like the black one best. We call it Xiao Hei .Its body is black .It has two big and round eyes, a small mouth ,and a big tail. Though it＇s very small ,it swims fast .I often feed them and change water for them. We are good friends . 我有九條小金魚,。八條金魚都是桔黃色的，只有一條是黑的,。我喜歡那條黑的,。我們叫它小黑。它全身都是黑色的,。它有兩只又大又圓的眼睛,，一張小嘴和一條大尾巴。盡管它非常小,，但它卻游得很快,。我常常去 喂它們，給它們換水,。我們是好朋友,。
1.【三個牧師】 Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft（閣樓） and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away. Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry（鐘樓） and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated（熏制） , and they still won’t go away. The third said, I baptized（洗禮） all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since! 三個南部的牧師在一家小餐館里吃午飯,。其中的一個說道:“你們知道嗎,，自從夏天來臨,，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧,、貓----似乎什么都不能把它們趕走,。” 另外一位說:“是啊,，我也是,。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經(jīng)請人把整個地方用煙熏消毒一遍,，它們還是趕不走,。” 第三個牧師說:“我為我那里的所有蝙蝠洗禮,，讓它們成為教會的一員......從此一只也沒有再回來過,。”
2.【Snorer 瞌睡者】 The preacher was vexed（生氣的） because a certain member of his congregation（集會,，圣會） always fell asleep during the sermon. As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."Awaking with a start（嚇一跳） , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit（講道壇） , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣,，因?yàn)榭傆幸粋€人在他說教時打瞌睡。 一個星期天,，正當(dāng)坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時,，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時睡覺,。于是他低聲對信徒們說:“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧,?！彼械娜硕颊玖似饋怼?dāng)然，除了那個打瞌 睡的人,。在低聲說過請坐后,，牧師高聲喊道:“想去下地獄的人請站起來！” 打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了,，他站了起來,。看到牧師高站在教壇上,，正生氣的看著他,。這個人說道:“噢，先生,，我不知道我們在選什么,，但看上去只有你和我是候選人?！?br/> 3.【愚蠢的問題】 tupid Question Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so. “Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?” 丹在一個大城市的某個俱樂部當(dāng)守門人,。每天都有數(shù)千人經(jīng)過他的門口，而且許多人都會停下來問他:“請問現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)？” 幾個月后,，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問題了,，我要去買一只大鐘，把它掛在這兒的墻上,?！庇谑撬I了一只鐘，把它掛在了墻上,。 “現(xiàn)在人們總不會再停下來問我時間了,。”他高興地想,。 可是打那以后,，每天仍有許多人停下來，看看鐘,，然后問丹:“這鐘準(zhǔn)嗎,？”
4.【他的耳朵在我衣兜里】 Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?""A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。***媽問,，“發(fā)生了什么事,？” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說,。 “再見到他你能認(rèn)出來嗎,？”媽媽問。 “他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他,，”伊凡說,。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢,?！?br/> 5.【把腳放進(jìn)去】 Put your feet in The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
一個女學(xué)生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖,，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里,，被老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了?！艾旣?！”老師嚴(yán)厲地叫她?！笆裁词?，老師？”這女學(xué)生問,?！鞍芽谙闾菑淖炖锬贸鰜恚涯_放進(jìn)去?！?br/> 6.【九條小金魚】 I have nine little goldfish .Eight goldfish are all orange and one is black .I like the black one best. We call it Xiao Hei .Its body is black .It has two big and round eyes, a small mouth ,and a big tail. Though it＇s very small ,it swims fast .I often feed them and change water for them. We are good friends . 我有九條小金魚,。八條金魚都是桔黃色的，只有一條是黑的,。我喜歡那條黑的,。我們叫它小黑。它全身都是黑色的,。它有兩只又大又圓的眼睛,，一張小嘴和一條大尾巴。盡管它非常小,，但它卻游得很快,。我常常去 喂它們，給它們換水,。我們是好朋友,。